You might be looking to purchase a big ticket item, like say a Louis Vuitton bag or a Mercedes Benz sports car. You’ll pay the big bucks if you want it badly enough. You’ll either borrow the money and possibly pay more in the long run, or you’ll save your money and get it when you actually have the money in hand. Another option, if you’ve got the manipulative skills needed, you’ll steal it without ever intending to purchase it, and nobody will be the wiser. Doubtful, but it has been done. The real subject here is about worth. Is that item worth what it will cost to get it? Only you, the pursuer, can answer that. My question to you is, will the pursuit and finally the kill, bring you unmeasured satisfaction? You’ll no doubt discover that some things and some people simply aren’t worth all the trouble.
Let’s put worth in terms of relationships. Someone could be out there right now judging your worth and you don’t even know it. They’re sizing you up. Should I ask her out? Should I tell him I love him? Should I lawfully commit to him or shouldn’t I? Is she worth it? These are the questions people ask themselves. You’ve probably asked them yourself at some point in your life.
Mildred and George have been dating for 2 years. George really wants to marry Mildred, but Mildred would rather have her freedom. But she also wants George. On her terms. (Can you see her using her hands as a measuring scale? Freedom on the left and marriage on the right) She feels she can get all she needs from George without handing her whole life over to him. She can buy what she wants, and she can come and go as she pleases without having to answer to him. In her eyes, they are great friends with awesome benefits. And oh, the benefits! At no cost to her! She has no fears of divorce and feels little to no financial pressure because everything is already separated. Seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? For Mildred. But George, on the other hand, because he feels he has invested so much of himself, and because he truly loves Mildred, agrees to continue the relationship as it is, on her terms, hoping that one day she’ll come around.
Question: What’s the definition of insanity again? Say this with me, doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
And my question to George would be, why would she come around? She is getting all she needs from you for free. Another no-brainer. You, George, have little to no value to Mildred, and that, my friend, is Business 101.
*News Flash: People value what they pay for. And George, Mildred hasn’t paid a dime. To herself maybe, but not to you. Granted, she has probably bought you gifts, but you have bought gifts too. There is little to no investment in you outside that. You are no more important to her than a contributor. You contribute to her need for companionship, to her need for half of the rent, and to her need for advice, but only when asked. The simple fact that she refers to you as her friend says it all.
*News Flash: Friend is not a status. Not even with the word boy or girl tacked on. (Okay, okay, I know that some states recognize Common Law Marriage, but that’s a completely different blogpost.) You’re a valuable guy, George! Why don’t you agree? George says he does feel valuable at times and that’s enough for him for now, although his dream is to be married to Mildred.
*News Flash: If you, George, remain in your current situation, you will never meet someone who will marry you. Why? Because you’re spending all of your time with Mildred who won’t. Logic 101.
Why do we as human beings desire commitments? I believe there’s something that God put into us at the moment Eve was created for Adam that says, I want to belong to someone. It’s innate. It’s a built-in desire from the start of the human race. When we’re truly committed, we get to say it out loud. We get to proclaim it from the mountaintops! There’s such satisfaction in that if you are truly in love with someone. Are you the one who wants to shout it out? Or are you the one who wants to keep it a secret?
*News Flash: If you don’t see any photos of you on her Instagram or FaceBook page, there’s a reason for that. It screams, I‘m not proud of us. Or I don’t want my friends and family to know I actually care about you. Or, You don’t matter much to me. Hello?
Ladies and Gentlemen: If your relationship is worth it, you both should be saying, I can’t wait to be married to you!